COLUMN: Hitched On Apps, Harry Hitchens On Gay Dating Apps

Ex-Young Apprentice and photographer HARRY HITCHENS came out on YouTube, So what’s next? He went on Grindr, of course! Here’s what he found out.

'Hey man what you doing?' Is the question you’re going to have to answer more than any other. Coming up with a good, clever, witty answer to this question may well determine your whole experience of dating apps.

Members only. My phone is alive with the sound of beeping and squawking as another picture arrives, is it of your face? Unlikely…Would I go on a date with someone who’s already shown me what they’ve got in their pants… also unlikely.

Hey sexy. Compliments are great. You think I’m cute. Terrific. But if you tell me you’re round the corner and horny to boot, I’m not sure I believe all the other really nice things you’ve said to me.

Sorting the men from the boys. This is really an important one. The apps have age restrictions, but I’m pretty sure that not everyone is playing by the rules? Are older guys using the apps to seek out younger guys? Are guys who are too young experimenting with apps? Are they being careful?

Phone a friend. Everyone I met who had been on a hook-up said the same thing – they would recommend telling a friend where they were going and with whom. Even though it would be better to meet in a public place first, if not, have a back-up plan and charge your phone.

Instant Gratification. It is not – if you’re a bit fussy or particular – this is a lot of admin my friends. Several apps on the phone, GiFi, scruff, jack’d, mensch’d trying to keep tabs on what you said to whom, rejecting some, keeping some interested enough… Hours go by

Time to man up. You see someone. They look nice. The banter begins. It’s going well. Then. Nothing. Ouch…

Casual sex. It’s catching with sex potentially available from your phone 24/7 people are taking more risks than ever before and rates of HIV and syphilis are on the up – dramatically. Wrap it up, boys.

It’s addictive… Sorry were you saying something? Friends are ignored as you stare at your phone. Food goes cold on your plate as you dream up something witty to reply to a potential date. Real friends start to get ignored… like Facebook, twitter etc. The apps are compulsive – ping… ping… got to go!

Real people. It’s easy to forget that behind the profile pics, the dirty texts and the flirty messages there are real people. The apps turn our love lives and desires into a game, which is fun, or into an online store where we can pick out something and have it delivered to our door quicker than amazon. But remember they’re actual people with real feelings too.

by Harry Hitchens

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