Why is it that gays seem to notoriously chase relationships and love? Only to be left heartbroken when the object of their affections freaks out and runs off.
Would it be that scary to just stop taking part in the race – and see if we can meet a nice guy in the non-pressured environment of the refreshment tent?
Or are we right to chase? Is love something that we need to chase after – strive after – work for?
By not putting ourselves out there – are we destined to be single forever – crawling gay bars at 70 wearing a toupee and over-tipping shirtless bar tenders?
And adversely, why at times do we run from love? Things are going great, but then in a moment of panic (and possibly bad advice from our besties) we sprint off, worried that the timing is wrong, the person is wrong, it’s going too fast or that you’re falling for someone and are afraid of being left heartbroken when it all collapses and we are left crying on the floor listening to a Mariah Carey album.
This is a notion that seems more prevalent on the gay scene than in the straight world. But why is that?
Why does it seem that gay men are more desperate for love and companionship than their straight counterparts?
One possible answer is that as gay men we sometimes spend our youth denying who we are, to ourselves and to others - so feeling unloved for our true selves. There is always that stage pre-coming out, isn’t there, when we are afraid we will be rejected by love ones for revealing who we really are? Could it be that these years of rejection (or at least fear of rejection) left us hungry for acceptance (acceptance by our ‘own kind’)?
Rejection seems to be a theme with this obsession to chase and to run. Rejection is a bitch. And the gay dating scene can be brutal. It’s a landscape of emotions, fears, dreams and passion – and of course, the occasional offer for watersports. In such a scary atmosphere, even the smallest thing can startle us, making us prone to run like a denim-short wearing twink running from a hungry, 50-something year old, 16 stone bear.
No only this, but with the introduction of dating apps, hook-up apps and fetish-apps – has the vast amount of choice made it even harder to find your soul mate and more inclined to believe that they may be someone better for us – causing us to run? Like a restaurant with a four page menu – how do we know we are making the right choice?
Last week I met a 20 year old dance student. Ludicrously handsome, a bum you could bounce quarters off of - and spectacularly talented.
After a week of sleep overs, dinners and drinks, sharing cuddles, dreams, stories and fears – meeting each other’s friends and sending photos of each other to family members, it ended as quickly as it started.
“It’s too soon for me to get into anything with deep feelings…it’s just not the time right time”.
He ran away. No call. No coffee. Nada. And he didn’t even see my dad-like dance moves!
Constant running towards and from people – what are we afraid of? Letting someone in? Being rejected? Being left heart-broken?
Some gay guys should run – obesity is on the rise – but in all seriousness – as gay men maybe we should man up – stop running and see what happens.
And as for chasing... chasing is fine – it’s chivalrous, flattering and sexy. But make sure the object of your affections occasionally stops for you – or at least looks back. And as I’ve learnt recently if they looked panicked and are screaming – you probably should stop (and stop rummaging through their dust bins) – stalking gets real old, real quick.
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