Living Out Loud

Living Out Loud with Darian

Darian Aaron is a new leader in the black gay and lesbian movement for visibility and equality. He is a former staff writer for Clik Magazine and the creator of Living Out Loud with Darian, a popular gay blog where he gives commentary on social, political, and religious issues that impact the LGBT community.

In 2006, he created Living Out Loud with Darian and was listed as one of the ‘Top Emerging Black Gay Men under 27’ by UNEQ Magazine in February 2007. His blog has been credited for giving a voice to those who are often too afraid to speak out and was named Best LGBT Blog by The Black Weblog Awards in 2008.

When he’s not writing you can probably find him at home in Atlanta with his partner Trey and their dog.

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Are you familiar with Jasmyne A. Cannick’s Op Ed piece in the LA Times following the passage of Prop 8?

While I respect Jasmyne for the work she’s done over the years, she does not speak for me or for the entire black gay community. Gay marriage is not a priority for everyone in the gay community regardless of race, but I think it’s inaccurate to buy into the myth that only the white gay community is interested in gay marriage despite the images the media portrays.

Are the white and black gay communities two different worlds?

Of course they are. I wish I could say this wasn’t the case, but it clearly is. I understand a lot of Jasmyne’s frustration although I may not always agree with how she projects that frustration onto the rest of the world. As black gay and lesbian people we have to carry the burden of homophobia and racism. I’ve found myself having to explain to my white gay brothers and sisters the extra baggage that we as black LGBT’s have to deal with (i.e. racism, poverty, abandonment, the black church). We may have a black president but racism is still alive and well in this country. Although the broader white gay community faces discrimination based on sexual orientation, their experience in this country is still rooted in a place of privilege.

Where does that leave the overall community when it comes to moving forward?

It leaves us at a crossroads. The aftermath of Prop 8 was ugly not only because we lost a right in California that was granted by the courts, but the racism that was an undercurrent before came to the surface. We now have to decide if we’re going to be willing to have the tough conversations needed to move forward. White gays along with our national LGBT organizations are going to have to make an effort to be more inclusive. They’ve got to stop waiting until the eleventh hour to talk to groups of people that they should have been talking to all along.

And on the flip side black gays and lesbians are going to have to break down the walls of silence in our own community and come out and make our voices heard. We’ve got to stop making excuses for remaining closeted when our relatives are voting against us because they don’t think they know any gay people.

This suggests that the black gays are waiting to be asked, don’t they have a responsibility to be active not passive?

I agree. We do have a responsibility to be active and I’m constantly calling us to task. But most of the Black LGBT organizations I know don’t have a 40 million dollar operating budget like HRC. It takes dollars and public support to effect change not just a personal willingness to do so. We also need to know that there is genuinely a place for us at the table.

One of the areas where we hear about discrimination in the community is the gay bar scene – many African Americans don’t feel welcome at mainstream gay (white?) bars, your thoughts?

I’ve never experienced this sort of discrimination first hand. But I’ve had friends who have experienced this in the Castro. I like to listen to hip-hop and R&B music when I go out and I can usually only hear this type of music in a predominantly black setting. Although it’s ironic that white male teens are the major consumers of hip-hop. I’ve had friends tell me they were asked for multiple ID’s or were just given the cold shoulder as to say they weren’t welcome.

Are the gay bars in Atlanta mixed, or separated?

Sadly Atlanta’s club scene is just like everywhere else – separated. I don’t go out very often because I just don’t enjoy it as much as I did in my early twenties. But every now and then a promoter will throw a party to encourage “integration.” But you have your predominantly black clubs and your predominantly white clubs.

If we don’t socialize together as a rule, how does that impact our ability to come together?

While I think we should come together more socially. I view this as less of a problem than us not being able to put aside our differences to achieve equality. Socially I think being separated for some folks comes down to musical taste, who makes the best drinks, which bar has the type of guys one likes, or which club is the most accessible.

One could argue there is a similar divide between the gay and lesbian communities – are we expecting too much for so many diverse groups?

Sometimes I think we do. Let’s keep it real, many people don’t like to step outside of their comfort zone and this can be true for even the most liberated gay or lesbian person. While I’m totally comfortable in my skin as a black gay man and can intermingle with anyone, there’s still an indescribable comfort around people who look like me.

Many opinion pieces – Jasyme’s for example – make this a white versus black discussion – where do other groups of color fit in to all this?

It’s funny that you’d ask that. I know they exist and others do too, but until they step up and speak out they will remain in the margins.

But isn’t that the very argument the white gay community is making about the African American gay community?

Yes and no. Many of us in the black gay community have been shouting from the rooftops for years that we exist and in many cases we’ve been locked out and only thought of when there was a need for a black face on an issue that was being pushed by the larger gay majority. It’s an issue of trust as well. We’re dealing with other issues in our community besides being denied the right to marry. We need the community as a whole and our gay organizations to be concerned with any transgression faced by the minority.

Where does the African American gay community typically stand when it comes to Transgender issues?

I can’t speak for the entire AA gay community but I think both communities are doing a poor job at including the “T” in LGBT. Sadly our trans brothers and sisters are usually last on the totem pole. But I think with the fallout after ENDA(Employment Non-Discrimination Act) failed to include transgender individuals and the recent murders of trans women across the south we’re starting to do a better job although we have much more work to do. There has to be a change in our attitudes towards trans people and effective legislation that protects them in the workplace and against violence.

What are the typical discussions on Living Out Loud with Darian?

I usually like to cover stories that are current and relevant to the African American gay community. On any given week readers can read posts about homophobia in the black church, living authentically, gay literature, LGBT artists, health, etc. You’d probably get a better idea by checking out the site and reading some of the comments. I recently put up a year in review post which could be a great resource for your readers.

Anything you’d like to add in closing?

Yes. There is a great quote by M.L. King Jr. that I’ve always held dear to my heart and has greatly influenced my willingness to live authentically despite the consequences- “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” I’ll be living out loud until the day I die.

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