The First Step – Dealing with Depression

In response to the question “How do you stay married for so long?”, I heard someone reply “Be willing to have a few bad years.”   I believe those words could apply to almost any situation in life, and certainly to my experience with depression.  It is only now, after thirty adult years of dealing with depression that I realize my depression is a life-long chronic condition (it only took me thirty years to figure this out – sometimes I am not the sharpest tool in the shed).  I find some peace in this knowledge, as I no longer look to cure or eradicate my disease, but instead focus on learning how to manage and minimize its effects.

Fortunately (or not) I have been down the depression road many, many times.  And each time I pay attention to the process and learn something new.  I’ve learned depression has a cycle, usually – though not always – initiated by a trigger.  Past triggers included an email from someone saying that do not want to date me, a look at my dwindling bank balance and rejection from a job prospect.  Once the depression launch sequence begins, there is little I can do to stop it.  Sometimes it is a gradual descent, but often it is immediate, and within hours I am my bed, barely able to function.

During the deepest stage of depression, there is little I can do to change my mood.  In fact, I learned years ago, the best course of action is to surrender to the depression and ride out this phase, without judgement or criticism.  Time will pass and I will enter the next stage, the point where I am tired of feeling this way but I have little energy or motivation.  This is when the first step in the process of climbing out of depression begins.

I start by asking myself “What can I do today?”, which I wrote about in more detail here .  At this time, I need movement, but I also need an honest, accurate assessment of how much movement is possible.  I have learned that the only way out of depression is with movement, action.  I cannot further depress myself out of depression, though God knows I have tried.  Some days, the answer to “What can I do today?” is “nothing”, and on those days I do nothing.  But eventually, an answer comes to me, one that involves action, tiny, little bits of action.  A five minute jog.  A walk around the block. One jumping jack.  A sit up.  Anything is an accomplishment, because anything is more than nothing.

Over the past few months, my five minute walk has evolved into a forty minute walk/run, each and every day.  I wake up early and look forward to the exercise because I know for that period of time, I will feel better than I did laying in bed worrying about my life.  I’ve changed my diet, taken vitamins, interact with people, meditate, read and write – yet nothing has improved my mood as much as movement.

I am still depressed, but on the one to ten scale, after almost a year in the 2-3 range I am now at a 4-5. For a depressed person, that is significant improvement which I gladly and gratefully accept.  It has been a lot of hard work to get here, and movement in and of itself is not the only answer, but it is a start.  This is the lesson I have learned – when I am in my deepest depression I have to start somewhere, and movement is the best place to begin.

When you are ready to take action against your depression, how do you begin?