Dangling for 70 mins in a smoky room, adjacent to a stained mattress with Dessert Island Discs emanating from a Bush radio, alongside tick tock tick tock, Beethoven and the squiffed fantasies from an abstract artist who will drink to your health, insult if you were christened Darius or if you work for Blue Peter, might cause you to fornicate with a portrait and Monster Mash with a bear. ★★★
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