However I decided to pick the recent film (and indeed the books) as something to talk about because some protestors at the film’s launch I think have raised a point by saying that FSOG promotes domestic abuse. And so we are clear, I think they are talking rubbish but the fact that putting kink or indeed just sex is in the lime light for discussion I think is a good thing.
For those that engage in kink, of any sort, know that in order to enjoy that side of life you need to ensure that all people involved (as there could well be more than 2 of you playing) know what they want and know what they don’t want. For example, most people have a safe word to let others know when it’s past the point of acceptable or even make the list very clear on recon. (For those that don’t know what that is, Google it, but not while at work).
Yes you can indeed get into the more “no limits” side of life but that isn’t ‘kink’ but more something very much on the outer fringes of the kink world. Each to their own but personally the concept of not having any limits isn’t something I find appealing.
I like what I like and I don’t like what I don’t like – I think most people think like this? No?
If you haven’t yet read or indeed seen the new film, regardless of opinions on quality, I suggest that you do so. Not because it’s a “naughty film” and we are all sheep that have to follow the latest trends (even though Mills and Boon have been producing books about raunchy and/or kinky sex for years) but because you’ll see how utterly ridiculous this argument is that it is promoting domestic abuse.
Those that protested outside its London premiere last week claim that, for example, a man (Mr Grey) tracking your phone, knowing where you live before you’ve told them, or indeed pushing his will onto a woman (Ana the female character) if taken out of context can give people the impression such behaviours are the norm rather than unique to a very “alluring” and charming rich man / situation.
Well yes, that has some element of truth to it. Personally, if someone knew of me and chose to stalk my phone and visit my address long before I had given it to them then yes I would find that unacceptable and it would be odd behaviour. I certainly wouldn’t find it alluring or charming but then surely to do that to someone in the first place you have to be a little odd / unbalanced as it isn’t ‘normal’ behaviour when dating. As far as I am aware most of the world has that little voice in their head that says that stalking someone isn’t the correct thing to do so you tend to not do it and instead get to know them the normal traditional way. But is that just me? Maybe I’m the odd one out?
In no way does this story (and I say story as it covers the books and film) glamourise ‘domestic abuse’ as victims of such abuse often have no choice in the physical, verbal and emotional abuse that they suffer including having which feels like to them (or indeed in reality) no apparent way out.
In 50 shades the arrangement the two main characters come to is a contract, she does not have to enter into this world of kinky romance but choses too as something that she wishes to explore. Mr Grey is very up front with her about what is involved and what he expects and she is given a very clear chance to walk away. There is even a clear get out clause in the agreement and Mr Grey is keen on ensuring and promoting her health and wellbeing.
Now at this point I’d very much like for people to demonstrate to me exactly how many domestic abusers behave in such a way to be completely up front with their prospective partner and offer them ways out (realistic ones, not ones used to emotionally blackmail). If there is more than a handful I will gladly eat my words and very much feel a deep sadness at the world. But I highly doubt that such a type exists.
I don’t claim to be an expert on domestic abuse but I have seen it first hand and have seen the scenarios that cause it and the aftermath once it has occurred. Based on that experience I don’t see how ‘kink’ can be seen to be promoting domestic abuse as in all cases I’ve seen the sufferer doesn’t have a choice in the matter and they are often not being abused for sexual reasons.
As you can probably tell I’m not a fan of the film or books, I think this is just another fad or “over sold” story that again is just a re-hash to current stories and behaviours. However, if you want to go and see it, please do, and indeed if you want to explore your kinkier side please do. Just play safe, play sensible and always remember that certain things don’t belong in certain bodily places, so know your limits (google ‘strange things removed from people’s bums… I dare you (which not at work of course)).
by Scott Sammons
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